do something she likes & you get points. do something she dislikes & points are subtracted. men don’t get any points for doing something she expects - sorry, that’s the way the game is played.

social engagements

• you stay by her side the entire party....................................................................... 0
• you stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college drinking buddy....... -2
• named tiffany .................................................................................................... -4
• tiffany is a dancer................................................................................................ -6
• tiffany has implants.............................................................................................. -8
• when mingling, you hold your mate’s hand and gaze at her lovingly.......................... +1
• when mingling, you introduce her as "the old ball and chain" and pat her on the rump......................... -5
• when she points out a hot-looking woman and asks if you think she’s pretty, you say, "yes, but nowhere near as pretty as you"............................................ +1
• when she points to a woman and asks if you think she’s pretty, you say, "yeah, but don’t worry, she’s lousy in bed"............................................... -6
• that woman is her sister..................................................................................... -90
• you have one drink, and that’s it.............................................................................. 0
• you have more than a few and perform the tango with a poodle................................ -2
• you have a lot of drinks, vaguely remember being fingerprinted............................... -18

saturday afternoon

• you go to the mall together....................................... +3
• you go to the mall, drop her off in front, then park the car.................................................. +4
• then drive to a sports bar........................................ -2
• you spend the day shopping for furniture and pretend to like it................................................ +3
• you spend the day shopping for furniture, and nap on a sectional.......................................................... 0
• you spend the day at a wholesale club, buying in bulk.............................................................. +3
• most of it chips and beer......................................... -6
• you tackle a large household project, such as painting the den............................................................... +15
• or refinishing the floors......................................... +19
• or rewiring the basement.......................................... +21
• or adding a second floor.......................................... +25
• or setting up a nerf ball hoop over the bathroom wastebasket........................................................ -6
• you visit her parents.............................................. +1
• you visit her parents and actually make conversation....................................................... +3
• you visit her parents and stare vacantly at the television........................................................ -3
• and the television is off......................................... -6
• you spend the afternoon watching college football in your underwear......................................................... -6
• and you didn’t even go to college................................. -15
• you forgot to pick her up at the airport.......................... -25
• which is in newark, new jersey.................................... -35
• and the pouring rain dissolves her leg cast....................... -50

a night out with the boys

• go out with a pal................................................. -5
• and the pal is happily married.................................... -4
• or frighteningly single........................................... -7
• and he drives a trans am.......................................... -10
• with a personalized license plate (gr8 n bed)..................... -15
• you have a few beers.............................................. -5
• and miss curfew by an hour........................................ -10
• you get home at 3 am.............................................. -20
• smelling of booze and cheap cigars................................ -30
• and not wearing any pants......................................... -40
• is that a tattoo???...............................................-200

a night out

• you take her to a movie........................................... +2
• you take her to a movie she likes................................. +4
• to a movie you hate (anything with barbara streisand)............. +6
• to a movie you like............................................... -2
• it’s called deathcop 3............................................ -7
• which features cyborgs having sex................................. -9
• you lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans and dogs... -15
• when asked how she looks, you reply, "fine" or "nice"............. 0
• you reply, "beautiful" or "gorgeous"............................. +5
• you reply anything without being asked............................ +10
• you notice something she did special, (hair, nails, eyelashes).... +15
• you mention you like her new hairdo............................... +15
• she says she had that done last week.............................. -10

flowers

• you buy her flowers only when it’s expected....................... 0
• you buy her flowers as a surprise, just for the hell of it........ +5
• you can actually name a few of them............................... +8
• you can name all of them, because you hand selected them.......... +10
• you give her wildflowers you’ve actually picked yourself.......... +10
• and she contracts lyme disease.................................... -25

your physique

• you develop a potbelly............................................ 0
• you develop a noticeable potbelly................................. -10
• you develop a potbelly and exercise to get rid of it.............. +10
• you resort to loose jeans and baggy hawaiian shirts............... -5

driving

• you lose the directions on a trip................................. -4
• you lose the direction and end up getting lost.................... -10
• you refuse to ask for directions.................................. 0
• you end up getting lost in a bad part of town..................... -15
• you meet the locals up close and personal......................... -25
• she finds out you lied about having a black belt.................. -60

the big question

• she asks, "do i look fat?"........................................ -5
• (sensitive things always start with a deficit)
• you hesitate in responding........................................ -10
• you pretend you didn’t hear....................................... -12
• you reply, "where?"............................................... -25
• you reply, "compared to what?".................................... -30
• you reply, "but i like you that way".............................. -35
• you reply, "not for your age"..................................... -40

communication